It’s been a while since my last post, but I’m back and would love to share the reasons for my break from blogging.
The trip to Peru was even more amazing than I thought it would be, and not for any reason anyone could possibly have imagined. Within 24 hours of arriving in Cusco (3,500m up in the Andean mountains & our trek departure point) I was extremely ill and diagnosed with Acute Mountain sickness & spent the day allowed for acclimatisation to altitude in bed accompanied by strong medication. I overheard the doctor saying that if I wasn’t much better within an hour he wouldn’t allow me to go. It was at that point I realised that the only person who was going to get me up & on my feet & well enough to trek was me, and that I hadn’t spent the last 9 months training and fundraising to stay in an Andean hotel bed! It won’t surprise you to know that I was much better the next morning – indeed it was hard to believe I’d been so ill the day before. The power of intention certainly worked.
It’s impossible to adequately describe the incredible adventure that was the 6 day trek to Machu Picchu – words are sometimes inadequate to describe experiences and feelings. It was simply one of the best times of my life. To say the scenery was breathtaking is an understatement, especially in the high Andes. We climbed up to 4,900 metres along snaking single track paths, sometimes with a sheer drop to an isolated lake or deep valley with a river so far below you couldn’t even hear it. On one particular day a 6 hour walk became an 11 hour walk, when rain had washed away most of the track and what remained was extremely exposed & required deep concentration & a highly developed sense of balance to master. The rain had also washed away a bridge which forced us to stay on the high path as daylight faded. Fortunately I had my head torch in my backpack, although my fellow trekkers weren’t so fortunate. Eventually our support team (accompanied by the inhabitants of the local village) came out to meet us with torches and lanterns – and a party atmosphere started! As we sat around the fire that evening with our meal, we were unanimous in agreeing this was the best day of the trek so far and we wouldn’t want to change one single moment. We’d all been pushed physically and psychologically way out of our comfort zones, but never at any point did any of us think we couldn’t do it – we’d been living in the ‘now’ so totally over those 11 hours. It’s amazing how much we can all achieve when tested. We are all capable of more than we know.
Each day had its own challenges and its own rewards. We camped one night at 4,000 metres & the temperature fell to -15oC during the night. Fortunately I’d borrowed kit from a friend who’s climbed Everest, so even though I looked liked Michelin woman, I was very warm!
The last day of climbing up to Machu Picchu was the toughest for me personally. It was very hot and humid and there were more than enough mosquitoes buzzing around. We had joined the Royal Inca trail that day, and the climb was up consistently large boulders (steps had been hewn out of the solid rock by the ancient Incas). The path was very narrow and uneven with occasion sharp drops to the tropical rain forest floor. All this at altitude, after 4 nights of little sleep is guaranteed to press anyone’s buttons! We were seriously impressed at the Peruvian guides and helpers who run up & down the track every day without seemingly to break sweat. The last section before The Sun Gate (the ancient entrance to Machu Picchu) is a vertical climb up cut black rock and looked daunting at first glance. But at the top our trek leader appeared (she’d left us the day before) with a huge Beating Bowel Cancer banner in one hand & a fizzing bottle of champagne in the other. Our reward at 4pm in the afternoon was a simply stunning view across to Machu Picchu in the evening sunlight and with no one else in sight. Emotional and relieved would sum it up for us all, I think. Nothing can prepare you for the sight of Machu Picchu when you walk through the arches of The Sun Gate – absolutely nothing. You want to laugh and cry simultaneously as what you’re looking at is so breathtaking and you are so exhausted and exhilarated at the same time.
My adventure didn’t end after the Machu Picchu ascent. When I returned from Peru I felt unwell for a few weeks, and a scan at Addenbrookes A&E revealed I had a brain tumour behind my left eye. A body scan has revealed multiple tumours in both my lungs. Over the past few months I’ve had radiotherapy, which was largely unsuccessful, so I needed to have surgery to remove the tumour in my head. I’ve been recovering from the surgery, radiotherapy and copious amounts of steroids since then. I’m now having chemotherapy to deal with the lung invaders. As I said earlier, the Peru trip was amazing as I did it with brain & lung tumours as well as emboli in my left lung. If I or anyone else had known this, would I have gone? Probably not!
I see the return of the colorectal cancer I had 5 years ago as a very precious gift. It is part of my life’s journey at this moment, and many of the lessons I learned in Peru are coming in unbelievably handy. Another reason why the trek had so much to teach me. Have faith in yourself and your own abilities. Trust that everything will work out just the way it’s meant to & trust those around you to help when you need it. I am full of hope and optimism for my future.
My final fundraising total was a little over £5,600, with the total amount raised by 10 trekkers an amazing £58,000. I am thrilled to have raised so much money and to have been part of such an incredible team of trekkers & shared so many memorable experiences with them and the rest of our brilliant support team. If you’d like to see more of what the charity gets up to look them up on line: www.beatingbowelcancer.org.
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Was discussing this with one of my fellow trekkers on the plane back home - what was the biggest lesson we learned? Without thinking I said that mine was ‘Trust’. And so it was. I had to trust that every day I was going to be OK, that Max, our guide would be leading us where we needed to go, I had to trust that I was going to recover in enough time from the AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness) to take part, and I had to trust all my team that they were going to help get me there.
On the way up to 4,800m and the Sinque Valley pass I felt extremely sick and dizzy, so had to opt for the pony option for an hour. Given that the path was much less than a metre in width and very uneven and steep, it was baking hot, and there was a very sharp drop to the right, the only option was to completely trust the pony that he was going to get me up there. I decided to trust him, and reckoned that he’d done that journey (or one like it) many more times than I had.
There was also the trust in myself - that I could do exactly what I’d set to do - to reach Machu Picchu and to reach my £5,000 target. That’s the biggest and probably the most challenging trust of all - to trust yourself. Do you trust yourself? How often?
Well, I’m back! The plane landed late on Sunday, although I don’t feel like I’m back on the ground yet. So much has happened to me, I’ve experienced so much that its very hard to describe the indescribable. A large part of me simply doesn’t feel the same as the person that left here only a couple of weeks ago. You can’t live life the way I’ve lived it for 12 days and not be changed at a deep level.
The first huge challenge I faced was that I was extremely ill. I suffered from AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness) within a few hours of arriving in Cusco (altitude 3,300m). Details available on request (!), but I do dimly recall the doc saying that if I wasn’t any better within a few hours I wouldn’t be going on the trek. I realised in an instant I just had to make a decision to go or to stay - easy decision - I decided to go. No idea how I recovered so quickly, but I’ve managed to beat illness before, so why should this occasion be any different?
Team Peru May 2009 were awesome - the most amazing group of people I could ever have wished to spend the most challenging few days of my life with. We started out a bunch of individuals and within a few short hours were a close family unit, supporting, helping and even carrying each other on a couple of occasions. Not once were there any cross words or bad feelings. It was as if we all knew we needed each other to succeed in our challenge. I know I wouldn’t have got through the first part of my illness without my fantastic room (& tent) buddy, Charmaine. Thank you for being there and saying and doing exactly the right things at the right times. It was an honour to be part of that family, and we all know that its going to be impossible to explain and share accurately the experiences we shared - you simply had to be there.
I will try to share little memories and experiences as they pop up - there are many of them! The lessons I learned were many and varied, although for me the biggest journey I made wasn’t to Peru, or up to 4,800 metres, it was inside myself. I knew I’d have to dig deep, and I was right. There were several occasions on particular days of the trek when I found hidden strengths I had no idea were there. First example is on the third trek day (having done an 11 hour trek the day before and had no sleep due to sleep apnea [caused by AMS]), the planned route disappeared due to a disappeared bridge and no track, so a 6/7 hour day turned into a 12 hour trek through densely wooded mountainside (with severe drops to waterfalls, cliff faces and deep valleys), and most of this had to be done in the dark. The most incredible thing was that no one complained or moaned. We just did it. And when we’d done it we felt amazing - like we’d conquered the world. Its true what I’ve blogged about before….we are all capable of more than we know. Its just that most of the time we never get the chance to be tested. And I feel like I’ve been tested, and at the risk of sounding too full of myself, I reckon I did good. I certainly feel like I’ve accomplished a huge challenge and overcome barriers that were put in front of me. I’ve raised nearly £5,400 for Beating Bowel Cancer, and am extremely proud of adding my contribution to the £52,000 raised by only 10 trekkers.
Thank you to everyone to has sponsored and supported me - you have no idea how much you were all with me in spirit. There were many moments when I really needed you!
More to follow…..
About 9 months ago the decision was made for me to journey to Machu Picchu in the high Andes in Peru to raise money and awareness for bowel cancer. The minimum amount I had to commit to raising was £2,900. I decided to ‘think big’ and ‘aim high’ and set myself the goal of raising £5,000 for Beating Bowel Cancer, the charity organising the trek. Today, the day before I travel, I have reached £5,128, with more monies pledged to come in over the next few weeks. I am amazed and yet strangely not surprised at the same time. I always felt it was possible, even though many people said it was going to be very difficult, especially in this economic climate. There were times when the total seemed to move incredibly slowly, so I kept letting go of the wanting to reach the target, and not trying to work out how the money would come in, just to allow it to come in.
I am also feeling very humble and deeply grateful to everyone who has sent me a donation and sent me their love and good wishes for the trek. I’ve received over 20 emails since the end of last week, and everyone I’ve met in my home village or out and about have been wishing me well. That means so much, as it all adds to the energy I’ll need during the trek. I’ll just need to think of everyone and I’ll be encouraged and motivated to keep going. Many of the donations are so moving. Peter, my elderly neighbour felt so bad about only being able to give me £12 (my trek sponsorship is allocated into 12 hour sponsored slots). But you never know when that hour will be vital, when its exactly that hour that could be the difference to getting there or not. Also the donation from Liz, Shirley and Wendy, 3 ladies I’ve never met, and their comment “Good luck Helen! Donated in memory of David who left it too late for diagnosis”. David is very important to me. He’ll be with me on the journey to Machu Picchu too.
This will be my last post until I return. Let the journey and the adventure begin!
Thank you 4Networking for giving me the opportunity to talk to the lovely Cambridge group this morning! I know I stepped in at the last moment, so I didn’t get much notice, but actually this was perfect, as it didn’t give me a chance to ‘think’ about why I shouldn’t, couldn’t or wouldn’t do it. I found myself just saying ‘yes’, which I’ve found recently is the best way of just doing things rather than thinking about doing things.
And don’t we do that? Think, I mean. We think a lot. We think too much. I was once told that by my doctor after I was diagnosied with bowel cancer. “That’s your real problem, Helen, you think too much”. Not a very useful comment, I thought at the time, but it has made me ‘think’ (there I go again!) about thinking, and how it can get in our way. The only thing we have to change to alter the reality of our lives is our thinking. That must be true, because if you want to see the sum total of your reality (your life as it is now), just look around you. At your life and what and who is in it. You attracted that, you ‘thought’ that. Its a tough one, but guess what, if you thought it, you can unthink it. At least that’s what I’m playing with at the moment. Playing with changing the way I think (or believe) about people, situations, things, or my reality. Its a lot of fun and it is giving some amazing results.
Example of this is a couple of months ago I needed a new car. My daughter had had a nasty accident and had written off our little Clio. I had the thought that I’d like to get a better car for less money than the written off car was worth. Just for a laugh, I also added that I’d like to get £100 in the same week that I bought the car, just by changing my thinking that it would be possible to get £100 for no reason at all. Result? I bought a newer, better Clio with less mileage, full warranty for £500 less than the value of the old car. Just before we signed the deal, the salesman asked me if there was anything else I’d like to ask or query. I said I thought the tyres were a bit worn & would he be able to do anything about that. He said, sorry, can’t do anything about the tyres, but how about I give you another £100 on top of the value of the old car! I just looked at him and started smiling inside. He had no idea why I was smiling so much, but you can probably guess!
Not sure how I got on the subject, as I started off thanking 4Networking for putting me on the spot. Perhaps I need more of ‘being put on the spot’, and having less time to think, and just take action.
It’s been a couple of weeks since my first foray into public speaking, and I keep meaning to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) to let you know how it went. Actually it felt surprisingly easy. Not a big deal. Nothing major. I have no idea why I was resisting doing it, or why I’ve resisted speaking out for so long. The best way to describe how I felt was “it just felt right”. Its like the glass ceiling analogy isn’t it? You know the one…the one that everything time you get close to smashing through gets very uncomfortable, very painful and you’d do anything to avoid moving up towards it. Most people never burst through, they just turn round and go back to doing what they’ve always done, and don’t move out of their comfort areas. But the joy is that if you can move through the discomfort, push through the pain, the big gain is waiting for you. Once you’ve made the decision to take action, the rest is unbelievably easy. “The darkest hour is before dawn” is another way of putting it. It feels dark, but the light is on its way, its just that you can’t see it yet.
So I had a ball! I realised a couple of minutes in to the talk that I was really enjoying myself, and that all I was doing really was telling my story, sharing my experiences. Whatever anyone thought of what I said was really none of my business. As long as I was speaking my truth and ‘being’ myself that’s all I needed to do. And that’s it really. That’s all anyone needs to do…..’be’ themselves. Its as simple and as difficult as that!
Tomorrow evening I have been invited to talk in the “Hero” slot before the main speaker at an event in Cambridge. I have mixed feelings about doing this. On one hand I know I have to do this - its part of my mission to raise money and awareness for bowel cancer by sharing my story, and on the other hand I’d really rather not stand up in front of a room full of people.
I found myself saying out loud in my Mastermind Group at the beginning of the year when we were setting our goals for this year, that I wanted to start speaking. No one was more surprised than me - I had no idea I was going to say that, it came, seemingly, from nowhere. But of course it came from the place that it had been hiding. So this is my first time, and the lessons are already being learned. I never thought 5 years ago that I would be capable to doing this, just as I am constantly amazed at what I am now capable of doing. Things like starting and running my own successful business and climbing mountains to name but 2! I guess the main lesson is we are all capable of more than we know.
I am incredibly grateful to the amazing Ann Hawkins (http://annhawkins.com) for this opportunity and for her continued support and inspiration. The timing is perfect as April is Bowel Cancer Awareness Month, and I leave for my trek 4 weeks tomorrow. I’m just over 75% of my trek target of £5,000, so have an intention of getting the missing 25% tomorrow evening - what do you reckon??
If you can be there, I’d love to see you! The food, the company and the hospitality at Cook’s Barn are amazing, and David Hyner, the main speaker is knockout! Check out Ann’s blog (above) for more details
Date: Wednesday 22nd April 2009
Price: £15 + VAT
Time: 6.30pm (food & drinks provided)
Venue: Cooks Barn / Stonetime
Whitelands Farm
Newmarket Road
Bottisham
Cambridge
CB25 9BD
I’m inspired to write a quick blog as I’ve noticed that the more I share my cancer story with others, the more I’ve noticed how cancer affects everyone, in some way or another. As the date of my charity trek draws closer, I’ve started to speak at my networking meetings, as well as be more open to friends and colleagues about what happened to me nearly 5 years ago. I’ve been quite overwhelmed at not only the incredible supportive responses I’ve received, but also how by opening myself up that gives others permission to do the same and to share their cancer experiences. It is very moving to hear them, and that inspires me to continue this journey of raising awareness for bowel cancer, especially in April which is Bowel Cancer Awareness Month.
By being open about what’s happened to us, and more importantly about how those experiences make us feel, we can take the power back from this disease and it is no longer perceived as a nightmare, a petrifying death-sentence. Rather something that can (and does) happen to anyone (the best of us!), and that it may, in time, even become something that makes us stronger and better people. Everyone who knows me knows that I am very grateful to the cancer diagnosis. It’s given me an amazing second life, a better life and a more spiritual life. I was quoted once in a newspaper as saying that “It’s like I was half asleep before, and now I’m wide awake”. I certainly wouldn’t change one single thing about the last five years - the toughest times gave me the biggest lessons.
If you still haven’t sponsored me - there’s still time! Please go straight to my Justgiving page: www.justgiving.com/helencrowe1
A little blog to say a BIG thank you to my very good friend and Virtual Assistant colleage in Birmingham, Berni Jones (from Bernadette Jones Secretary Services) for supporting my work to raise awarness and raise cash for bowel cancer. She’s put a special page on her website devoted to me & my Machu Picchu trek, which when I read it, made me feel very moved and more than a little emotional. Its because of people like Berni that the word is getting out there and I really feel that together, we are making a difference. Check out www.secretaryservices.net. Its also great that a Cambridge Virtual PA (that’s me!) and a Birmingham Virtual PA are supporting each other not just in business, but in real life too.
To help me get to my £5,000 dream total please visit http://www.justgiving.com/helencrowe1
For more info on AmazingVA, Virtual Assistance for your business success please visit www.amazingva.co.uk
It’s only 2 months until I leave for Peru! On Saturday I travelled to London to meet my fellow Trekkers at a really interesting and informative Beating Bowel Cancer Trek Peru briefing session, not to mention inspirational and motivating! The dream became a reality when we were told about some of the challenges we would endure: extremes of temperature (-15C at night), effects of trekking at high altitude, 8-10 hours of trekking for 6 consecutive days, toilet facilities (none!), alongside the need to drink at least 4 litres of water daily to combat dehydration. (Thoughts in the room turned towards toilets again!). I was moved and amazed at some of the images of the mountains and breaktaking scenery I’ll be part of in only a few weeks time, and kept thinking “I can’t wait!”, swiftly followed by “I’m not fit enough!”. We were told by the experienced group leader that everyone who does a challenging trek thinks they’re not fit enough when they start. So maybe I shouldn’t feel too bad!
Mike came along with his camera to record the start of this great adventure, as I am keen to share with you all the images and emotions of this incredible journey that really started for me nearly 5 years ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sbqOXdE524
The biggest challenge at the moment is fitting in the essential physical training alongside running my virtual assistant business, AmazingVA, but the trek itself and the reasons why I’m doing it transcend the short-term difficulties and my limited thinking. This is by far the biggest physical, mental and emotional challenge I’ve ever chosen to do. Facing a life-threatenging cancer diagnosis, major surgery and 9 months of chemotherapy was definitely the biggest - difference is that I didn’t choose to do that.
I’ve raised £3,246 and during the remaining couple of months would dearly love to stretch this to £5000. One of the trekkers we met in London has received a £5000 boost from a firm of solicitors overseeing the estate of somebody who had insisted her estate be left to charity. I won’t be relying on that happening to me, but I do need to raise as much money as possible to help increase awareness of the signs and symptoms of bowel cancer so more people don’t have to die needlessly from a disease that is curable if caught in time.
I’m so grateful for the help I received from Beating Bowel Cancer during my illness and the resulting awareness which enabled me to save my younger brothers, both of whom underwent surgery very soon after me. Another bonus, if you can call it that, was that I was able to push for speedy surgery for my father who received the same bowel cancer diagnosis last August. He is doing so well now and looking forward to moving into a newly refurbished home just eight doors away from us. Old men don’t have to literally die of embarrassment especially if we can all keep talking bottoms and bowels!
Can I ask you to forward this email on to anyone you think might benefit from an awareness point of view or who might consider sponsoring me at: http://www.justgiving.com/helencrowe1
Thank you very much if you have already sponsored me and please keep talking ‘bottoms and bowels’!
